True to my resolution that I would keep testing up until my beta, I tested again this morning when I woke up. Apparently the reason the hpts I got were buy one get one free is that they were defective, because I got yet another weird result despite following the instructions to the letter. I got a positive, sort of, that definitely left me scratching my head. Instead of a full vertical line in the results and in the test window, this time around I got half of a vertical line in both of them. I spent several minutes squinting at the test window, walked away from it long enough to take a shower, and then came back to squint at it some more. But the weird half lines in the results window persisted, and I felt completely let down and unsatisfied by the goofy results.
My frustration persisted as I got ready for work, because while it looked probably positive, probably just isn't good enough for me. As I rushed to the office I resolved to buy another box of a different brand of hpts before the end of the day. When lunch time rolled around, I headed out the convenience store closest to my office and headed straight for the hpts, which I found located next to the prophylactics (you know, so that if the products on the right side of the shelf fail, you can easily locate a box of hpts because they're right there on on the left. It definitely seemed to be a deliberate decision by the store to locate these products next to one another, but who knows?.)
After scrutinizing the fine print on each box, I finally decided on a box of FREs. As I scurried back to the office, I felt an overwhelming urge to test before I went back to my desk. I made sure that no one else was in the ladies room, and clandestinely huddled over the FRE with the irrational fear that I would somehow be found out by a coworker. Thankfully, I had the place all to myself, and my impatience was rewarded with a test window that quickly showed two pink lines. I stood there and stared at the results window for several minutes, and finally headed back to my desk to digest this newest development. I snuck a couple more peeks at the test as the afternoon wore one, I guess to check that I hadn't gotten confused or that the second line hadn't faded away.
Despite the apparent reassurance that I should be feeling from this third positive test in as many days, I'm still in a kind of denial about the whole thing. I can't even say the "p" word, much less think it, because it just freaks me out too much. I'm scared beyond words that the positive results on the hpts are only temporary, and it all still seems way too good to be true. I admit that my obsessive testing with hpts has taken on an addictive sort of frenzy, but I've decided to go ahead and surrender to this obsessive behavior instead of fighting it. Besides, I think I've reached a proverbial point of no return at this point anyway.
How are you feeling physically? I haven't found much info on how people feel after ivf and with the PIO's/ PG supps.
Posted by: Toffee | November 22, 2004 at 09:54 PM
Can't wait to hear what the number is on your beta on Wednesday...sounds really good. Nothing wrong with throwing a little bit more money at HPTs, kind of like charity because it looks like you won't be needing them anymore ;) (it IS the christmas season and good will towards men and charity and all that sort of stuff).
Thinking of you. xxxxoooo,
Posted by: Emily | November 22, 2004 at 11:40 PM
Oh, yeah--I know that incredulous disbelief of seeing two lines. I also kept taking the FRE out and looking at it periodically the day before the beta. Couldn't believe it after so much misery.
And my nurse was right...a positive is a positive (it's the false negatives you've gotta watch out for)--so it sounds to me like you're pg. Yea (quietly)!!
Hoping for beautiful beta numbers for you!
Posted by: Dee | November 23, 2004 at 06:29 AM
Congratulations! Looking forward to hearing you beta numbers. Good luck! :)
Posted by: Nina | November 23, 2004 at 11:17 AM
Wow, I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Oro
Posted by: Orodemniades | November 23, 2004 at 04:22 PM
Aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhh, where is today's update? Do you really expect us to wait all the way until tomorrow? Actually, though, it really sounds like you've got this one in the bag. Here's another cautious, quiet, congrats!
Posted by: Heather | November 23, 2004 at 05:37 PM
Looking forward to GOOD NEWS!
Posted by: kath | November 23, 2004 at 11:16 PM
C'MON already - I know it's early in the morning and you probably haven't even gone to the dr. yet, but we're dyin on the vine here!!! I'm hoping all your hpt's are accurate.
Posted by: diana | November 24, 2004 at 10:10 AM
C'MON already - I know it's early in the morning and you probably haven't even gone to the doc yet, but we're dyin on the vine here!!! I'm hoping all your hpt's are accurate....
Posted by: diana | November 24, 2004 at 10:11 AM