OK, Now Don't Get Too Excited Just Yet

At the tail end of my last IVF cycle I wrested with the decision as to whether I should test early with a home pregnancy test.  I'm a very impatient person by nature, and I hated the fact that my clinic refused to schedule my beta any earlier than 16 days post-retrieval.  I still don't get this position, especially since most hpt's will turn up positive at least a few days prior to that.  I held off on testing though, because I though I should be good and follow their rules.  I guess my theory was that my RE must have had a good reason for delaying the test for so long.  But a few days before my beta I couldn't stand it any longer and I broke down and took a test.  The test turned out to be negative, and of course I was devastated.  I knew that despite what my RE and his clinic said, there was no way I took the test too soon for it to be positive.  My beta a few days later confirmed that I wasn't pregnant and that my IVF was a big fat failure.

So this cycle I was initially convinced that I would forego all hpt's prior to my beta.  I thought it would preserve my sanity and keep my from dragging M down the path of insanity along with me.  But a funny thing happened yesterday.  I woke up in the morning and while brushing my teeth I felt an overwhelming urge to dig my one remaining hpt out from the back of the bathroom cabinet.  My rational side quickly tried to shout down the voice telling me to test, so I decided to compromise.  I took out one of the sticks left over for my fertility monitor, as well as the lone hpt (I had read before on several ttc websites that the fertility monitor sticks will turn positive if there is hcg in your system as well, which explains why they are positive after I've had a trigger shot.) 

When the fertility monitor stick turned up positive, I nearly fell over.  Of course this may have also been a result of the contortions I was doing in my attempt to pee and juggle the stick into the correct umm, position.  I quickly switched to the hpt and waited for the results to show.

This time it was actually positive.

I woke M up and made him come and look at it.  I was convinced I was looking at it wrong, and I expected him to disagree with me about it being positive (he always wants to be the voice of reason in our houshold, which is often pretty annoying.)  He response was that he thought the second line meant it was positive too.  At first we were happy, but then his voice of reason act started to kick in and he insisted that we not get carried away too quickly.  We decided to go get lunch and go to the museum to keep ourselves occupied.  On the way home I made him stop at the local convenience store for more hpts, you know, so that I could continue to obsessively test until my beta on Wednesday.

I took another test this morning (which was "new and improved", with a tip that turned pink when peed on sufficiently), but it was negative.  Not to be deterred, I assumed that the first was defective or something (and I think I didn't stop quickly enough when it the tip turned pink). So I took a second test, which was positive.  I plan to test again tomorrow and Tuesday too.  While I initially resisted falling prey to this kind of obsessive behavior, I've since decided that I might as well throw all of my effort into it instead.  The bottom line is that there is definitely no guarantee that this development is what it seems, or that its outcome will be a real live baby. 

But at least it's a start.

Comments

[Heather]

OMG, Lola. I am cautiously very, very, very excited for you. Please keep us posted!

[ankaisa]

Can I get excited yet? Maybe now? Not yet? But you know, those damn things can have false negatives, but a positive is a definite positive! Oh, let it be Wednesday soon.

[Emily]

Lola,

Crossing my fingers for you honey and hope this is it :)

xxxooo

[Dee]

Cautious congrats coming your way. Keep us posted--am thinking lots of good thoughts for you!